Adam’s Peace

Note: This is the conclusion of a 4 part series. The introduction is titled Peaceful Virtues, and has links to the rest of the articles in the series.

To recap the series, we talked about virtues that lead to peace. These virtues include Honesty, Acceptance and Forgiveness, Awareness, and Responsibility.

This is a road-map that I’ve found that has led me to my first true inner success. This is only the first of many successes that I’m sure to accomplish in my life, and each additional success will require modifications to these virtues.

There are two appropriate analogies that I could use. One would be climbing several flights of stairs, and the other would be climbing different mountains. Out of those two, it seems that climbing different mountains most closely matches the process.

In each post, I’ve explained how each virtue builds upon the last one. What I didn’t explain is that each virtue builds upon the others no matter what order you put them in.

Virtues Building Other Virtues

Honesty is the foundation for all of the virtues. It is what ties us together with reality and the rest of the universe. Naturally, the other virtues are built upon the foundation… Yet, the other virtues also build Honesty. Acceptance leads to understanding what is in your past, which leads to being honest about who you were. Awareness leads to understanding the world right now, and just like Acceptance, this leads to being honest about who you are now. Responsibility puts order to our future and utilizes our imaginations. Again, this also leads to honesty, by being true to who we want to be.

Acceptance, of course, is built on the foundation of honesty, yet it ties directly with Awareness, giving us an anchor and context so that we can tell what events happening right now mean. It also leads into Responsibility, by showing us what has worked in the past, where we have learned the hard lessons, and giving insight into what we should do next.

Awareness, while naturally being built upon honesty and building it as well, gives us the power to use our memories and imagination. It is while we are being aware that we can accept our past and be responsible for our future.

It follows that Responsibility gives us a purpose… With Responsibility, we have a reason to be Honest, a reason to Accept and Forgive, and a reason to be Aware.

I gave each of these virtues an arbitrary order, putting the foundation first. I did this more because it is impossible to describe all four virtues together, than because any one should be built before the other. When we are building the house, we see the foundation being poured, followed by the frame, then the electrical system, then the walls, and finally, the carpets and paint… Yet, the lumber is cut before the foundation is poured… Without that lumber existing first, or at least without being certain that the lumber will arrive, it is futile to build the foundation. The wires for the electrical system are built before the foundation is poured as well, and the carpets and paint are also created first.

And, interestingly enough, the plumbing is put in place both before and after the foundation is poured. It becomes part of the foundation, then is contained within the walls, and finally, as the sinks, toilets, and showers are installed, it extends out of the walls. The plumbing is built upon throughout the process of building the house.

None of these pieces, by themselves, are the house… Just like none of these virtues, by themselves, ensure peace and success. We can not take on the virtue of honesty, our foundation, without also pursuing the virtues of Acceptance, Awareness, and Responsibility. Without combining the virtues, each one is useless.

Building the House

Making concrete for a foundation is easy… Simply mix the right ingredients with water, pour it on the ground surrounded by a wooden barrier, and smooth out the top. Time will harden it, you’ll be able to remove the wood, and you’ll have a foundation. A lot of the work is done automatically, simply by letting time take hold. Honesty works the same way: Figure out what it means to be honest with yourself, set limits, and start being honest. As honesty becomes a habit, it becomes harder and harder to be dishonest, and you can remove those limits.

Making the frame for the house is a little more complicated. For our analogy, the frame is acceptance. First, you need to have the lumber… Since we all have memories, we already have all of the lumber that we need. Next, we need to anchor the lumber to the foundation. In terms of our memories, that means being honest with what has happened, which can only be done by accepting and forgiving. We also need to anchor the frame to itself. This is a process that takes time… Just as each piece of lumber has to be nailed to its neighbors, our memories have to be associated with each other.

There is a trick in building frames, however, that greatly speeds up the process. Instead of anchoring the lumber to the foundation first and building up the frame from there, most walls are built laying flat on the ground, then are tilted upright and anchored as they’re completed. Roofs are often built in factories well away from the construction site, and simply anchored to the walls and neighboring roof pieces… The roofs can be seen as an analogy for formal education… They’re pre-built for a wide variety of circumstances. Religions also serve this purpose, with their various mythologies providing common points of reference.

The wiring… the power for the house… can be put in when the frame is stable enough. Yet, the wires themselves aren’t built at the same time as they’re installed. We all have experienced moments of awareness, where we suddenly realize that we’re not thinking, just observing and acting. We already have all of the wires for our house… we can provide as much or as little power as we want. We simply have to turn on the switch.

The drywall (gypsum board, etc.,) keeps us from walking through the frames, giving us privacy and structure as we live within the house. It removes chaos, allowing us to plan and have purpose as we live within our house, just as responsibility gives us purpose.

Gathering the Materials

Now, all of this can’t be done in a day, and it can’t be done all at the same time. Before we can build our house, or combine all of our virtues together, we need the tools and materials. Simply combining all of the materials together takes time… We need to figure out what honesty means to us personally before we can apply it, just as we need to know the ingredients in cement before we can mix it. We need to figure out how to accept and forgive, and we have to practice, before we can start using acceptance in our daily lives. We need to recognize awareness before we can expect to expand those moments of awareness. We need to know the tricks of personal development before we can apply them and be responsible for our lives.

It has taken me nearly two years to gather all of the materials together, yet I was at a disadvantage: I didn’t know what virtues I should work on, and it took me a long time to realize when I had practiced the right virtues enough to put them together.

Once I realized that I had all of the right materials sitting at my feet, it was a simple task to put them all together… Yet, just looking at a pile of wood beams, cement, wires, and drywall didn’t mean that I thought I should build a house… Looking at honesty by itself, I don’t think about inner peace… I think fairness in dealing with other people… business and trade. Looking at acceptance by itself, it doesn’t seem to lead to inner peace, it seems to lead towards political power. Awareness leads towards action, and responsibility leads towards money.

Now that I have put them together, it seems obvious how they fit, and how perfectly they apply to inner peace. As separate parts, though, it is hard to image the whole process.

Climbing Mountains

Back to the analogy that I mentioned earlier.

I see this as simply the first of many successes. Each success can be seen as trying to climb to the tallest mountain. Sometimes, when climbing a mountain, we have to travel back down because a path that we thought would be easy was really just hiding a cliff that we can’t climb. Backtracking and finding a different path is common, especially on larger mountains because these cliffs are more common.

Once we reach the summit, we gain a clear picture of the world around us. We can see into the valleys around us… but more importantly, we can see how high the other mountains around us extend. Our normal, human reaction is to want to climb to the highest point… Yet when we reach the highest point of this mountain, we often find other mountains that are even higher.

That’s where I am right now. I can see the path that I took, and I know that I made a good climb… but I also see how much higher I can go. In order to get there, though, I have to climb down the mountain I’m on.

Fortunately, I don’t have to return to the valley I started in. Instead, to get to the next highest mountain, I can walk along the ridge between mountains, still staying quite high and conserving my energy for the next climb. I expect to do this many times… To get to a peak in my development, then seek the next peak.

Each mountain has its own terrain… Each one needs a different map, although many maps will have the same qualities. The details will differ, but the general shape of a mountain doesn’t change, so experience climbing one mountain will help in climbing its neighbors.

Perhaps future mountains will need completely different approaches. After all, climbing a hill is a lot different from climbing a glacier-topped mountain… Yet, people who are just starting to climb mountains should not attempt the snow-capped ones until they have attempted the ones local to their area.

I am putting a mark down right here, and I am saying that this is the map to the first mountain. It is a two-year climb for the unprepared, perhaps faster for those who have studied the map and know what to expect. It is a huge victory, but now, I am going on towards taller mountains.

So, I finally did it.

I quit.

No more talking about how I’m going to quit.

No more saying that today is the day that I quit.

Five days ago, I quit. Today, I realized that I had quit for good.

I am now part of the proud ranks of ex-smokers. I still have another week of hourly cravings to go through, and a few months of daily cravings ahead of me, but compared to the last five days, the suffering that I now face is like a warm summer breeze after a bitterly cold winter… For someone in Phoenix, that warm summer breeze is uncomfortable, but an escape is always nearby, and water is always at hand. It may be hotter than hell, but hey, it’s home.

So, if you’re reading this, you either fall under one of three categories: You’re a non-smoker who is at least curious about what smoking is all about, or you’re an ex-smoker who wants to know how my experiences are different from your own, or finally, you’re a smoker, and learning how to quit smoking is going to come in handy one day.

Well, I already explained my method before. I didn’t make any deals with myself or any promises. I didn’t use the gum, patch, lozenge, or any other nicotine product. I simply learned as much about smoking and quitting as I possibly could, set my jaw, and suffered. I also used the support of my family, co-workers, and friends, because I most certainly didn’t have enough willpower to stick it out on my own.

What follows is what I believe the average smoker will go through on a day-to-day basis.

Day 1:

After making a promise to yourself and your significant other the night before to quit smoking, you wake up to a fine, bright and beautiful morning. You yawn, stretch, and a minute later, you’re wondering what promise you made to yourself last night… After a few more puffs on your cigarette, it all floods back. Well, since you already smoked today, you’ll quit on another day…

Day 1, Take 2:

Last night, you made certain to hide all of your cigarettes. Perhaps you even threw them all away. You wake up to find that one of your pets has left your a very interesting surprise. Immediately, you find your cigarettes, or dig them out of the trash, or buy another pack… after all, today is a pretty stressful day…

Day 1, Take 3:

…

Day 1, Take 78:

For the last three days, you have been telling all of your friends, co-workers, and family that you are finally going to quit smoking. After they realize that you weren’t joking this time, and they feel ashamed for laughing in your face, they have all offered up their best advice… which you find odd coming from people who are still smoking. At least their intentions are pure.

You wake up this day much like any other… except today, you wake up knowing that you have planned for this moment. You want to reach for your cigarettes, but either there are none in the house, or if there are other smokers around, you’d feel awfully embarrassed asking them for one after the way you’ve been talking these last three days. Your first craving comes and goes as you get ready for the day.

Once you’re ready for the day, another craving hits… It lasts for quite a while, or so it seems. You get in your car, pass the convenience store that ruined quit attempts 12, 15, 16, 17, 32, 41, and 55, and get to your destination just as the craving seems to finish (though in reality, you had five different cravings throughout the trip). At this point, you’re feeling a bit… well… uncomfortable. Something just doesn’t feel right… you’re not quite certain what you should be doing, and you find making decisions to be more difficult. Your memory starts to slip away, and your arms start to tingle very slightly. Your chest tightens, and every once in a while, you feel a surge of fear.

You make it back home in a complete daze. The only thing that you can remember is that you are quitting smoking. The only reason why you remember that you’re quitting, is because that is all that you have been able to think of all day. Luckily, tomorrow is your day off… so you watch television… and grow impatient of it… and play some video games… and grow impatient of them… and sit at your computer staring at a single screen for fifteen minutes, just too impatient with everything else to actually do anything on the computer. Finally, you decide to go to bed, about an hour earlier than you usually do. Fortunately, you don’t have your expected bout of insomnia, even though you are so stressed that you would normally be awake for a week solid.

Day 2:

You wake up in a daze. You get ready in a daze. You do everything in a daze. You’re impatient at everything. You just want today to end.

All of your cravings are starting to blur together. Even if you concentrated, you wouldn’t be able to tell when one started and the other stopped. (Fortunately, they do have a short duration. They only feel like they’re lasting forever. Unfortunately, it’s how you feel that actually matters.)

About midway through the day, you feel extra weak… After eating lunch, you remember something about nicotine giving people the same symptoms as a mild case of diabetes… For the last few years, your body has been storing energy in the bloodstream because the nicotine has been blocking the insulin, which is required for actually transferring energy into our cells. Well, now that the nicotine isn’t working against us so much anymore, our insulin is working normally, so our muscles are getting more energy. Unfortunately, our fat cells are also getting a lot of energy as well, and storing it for a famine.

This re-enabling of the insulin has a real upside and a real downside. Probably the only good side effect of smoking is that it increases our endurance, but it costs us by taking away a lot of our ‘explosive’ strength. Smokers are slow but steady. Well, when we quit smoking, our bodies rather suddenly change over. We’re suddenly a lot more energetic, but we get tired very quickly. This is one reason why ex-smokers get fat.

Day 3:

You remembered to eat breakfast. In fact, you figured out that you can short circuit a nicotine craving by eating something. Chewing gum doesn’t seem to help… actually digesting something seems to be the only thing that works. Although, what works and what doesn’t work seems to be a bit… erratic. Sometimes, a big piece of chicken will do the trick, and sometimes it won’t. Sometimes, a cookie will help, and sometimes it won’t. Oranges work well pretty much all the time, but you’ve run out. Chocolate seemed to help a lot… but it suddenly stopped working.

Today, you’re also experiences one, long, continuous, super-strong craving. Well, technically, just several strong, short cravings… but it feels like it’s just one craving that is lasting the entire day.

The trick to getting through today is to never be alone. Also, eat food that is hard to digest. The reason why sometimes the chicken worked and sometimes it didn’t is because fat is hard to digest… and different pieces have different amounts of fat. Chocolate “helped” by giving you caffeine… but it suddenly stopped because, after 15 minutes when the caffeine is doing the most of its work, it is making your cravings even stronger. Also, the sugar in the chocolate is very very easy to digest, and it will make you fat anyways.

For those who know the South Beach Diet, this is the time to go on phase 1… all fiber, unsaturated fats, and acidic foods. Carbs are your enemy when it comes to quitting smoking. Also, eating saturated fats are just a bad idea any day… Eating fat will never make you fat, but saturated fat will still kill you, and probably a lot more quickly than smoking will. Eat often… eat in moderation… keep your energy levels high without over-eating.

Day 4:

Yep, still in a fog.

Yep, still craving.

Fortunately, today’s all-day craving isn’t quite as bad as yesterday’s all-day craving. It still really sucks, though.

Day 5:

Still in a fog.

Still craving.

Although… it isn’t one long, continuous craving today. There’s actually a couple of breaks between cravings.

And… did I just form a complete sentence?

Did I just make a decision?

Hey, the fog over my mind is lifting! I can think again!

That’s right… Day 5 is when you get over the hump. It may happen as soon as you wake up… or it may happen just before you go to sleep. In fact, it may not happen until day 7, so don’t pin all of your hopes and fears on it being day 5 that you’re over the hump.

The cravings are still there. They are just as real as they were on day 1 and day 3. They just aren’t coming quite as often, they aren’t lasting as long, and they’re a little easier to ignore. There are still several cravings during the day… at least two per hour… but it no longer feels like the day is filled with just one continuous craving.

Week 2: (Hypothetical for me from here on out… based on my father’s experiences, mainly)

Cravings are still coming a few times throughout the day… at least one per hour at the beginning of the week, and once every two hours at the end of the week… Will these cravings ever end?

Month 2:

Odd dream about smoking last night… I thought that I was sneaking a cigarette here and there, and that it was all alright… Still craving at least once per day.

Year 7:

There was that dream again. I had a craving in February, July, and August…

Year 41:

I actually didn’t have the dream this year, but I did still have one craving…

A Note About Cravings for Non-Smokers

Cravings are actually painful. It isn’t just a person thinking “Gee, I want to smoke…”

The closest and best analogy is of hunger and thirst. A craving is a hunger pain. The third day of not smoking is similiar in intensity to the thirst of a person who hasn’t had anything to drink in three days. On this day, if a cigarette is made available, it would take a tremendous amount of willpower to not smoke, just as it would take you a tremendous amount of willpower to not take a drink of water on the third day of dehydrating. Even if you knew the water was contaminated with lead… you would survive just one drink… it would take years of drinking the lead contaminated water to kill you.

For non-smokers: Do yourself a favor and never find out just how much cigarette cravings hurt. Smokers don’t smoke for the pleasure of it. We smoke to get rid of the suffering that smoking causes. There is no pleasure in smoking, unless feeling normal after feeling terrible can be considered pleasurable. It just isn’t worth it to start.

As for me. Well, if I ever smoked again, I’ll have to go through another 5 days to get to where I am now. Sure, I can survive just one more cigarette… but the most deadly cigarette is always the next one, because there is always another one after it.