Tarot: 6 The Lovers
It has been a while since I have written about the tarot cards in the Major Arcana… In fact, I have been stymied by the forces represented in this card, which has held me back from continuing on the fool’s errand.
The seventh card of the Major Arcana, The Lovers, portrays a person at a crossroads, with passion on one side, and his initial goal on the other.
On its surface, this card represents love, companionship, or passion. At first glance, it is almost impossible to tell what it really offers, which goes along with any type of relationship. You just can’t tell what the relationship will bring until you have entered into it, lived through it, and have learned from it. Whatever type of love it bring, agape, eros, obsession, pure selflessness, or any combination of types of love, you can be certain that the ride will be wild.
This brings us to the second layer of this card, which is the most common meaning during a reading: Choice. At this point, a decision must be made, and that decision often carries with it some sort of sacrifice. On non Rider-Waite decks, there are two paths… The path that leads to love is often the side road, taking you away from your goals, whether temporarily or permanently. The choice must be made if any progress is to be had. One simply can not sit at the crossroads forever, wondering what each path holds, because the path which the Fool follows is time itself. Rider-Waite based decks, however, show the Garden of Eden, with the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil on one side, and the Tree of Life on the other.
You can see down each path a little ways, and know the immediate gains of each… The most difficult part is that both paths are good paths; there really is no wrong way to go. Each path, however, requires that you give up the goal of the other path. At the second layer, the question that this card poses is which do you love more?
Looking a bit deeper into the card, into its third, more personal layer, we find that the nature of The Lovers changes yet again. Just as much as the second layer is about exclusive choices, the third layer is about inclusive choices. Many of us have faced choices where we were certain that we have had to make a sacrifice… All too often, when we sacrifice something based on our fears, we lose both what we gave up and what we sought to gain. One example is liberty vs. security. We have given up many liberties in the past six years, and yet, I can’t help but ask what security we have gained… All politics aside, I personally believe that more people have suffered in the pursuit of security than could ever suffer in the pursuit of liberty, both in light of recent events and in the entire history of humanity.
At the same time, though, when we give up our fears, and make our choices out of love, we seem to gain both. Recently, my wife pointed out my addiction to blogging in a rather heated conversation. She pointed out how I was ignoring her, my job, and my responsibilities around the house in order to blog. I faced a tough decision, where I had to either give up blogging, or give up everything else. Looking back, I realize that if I had chosen my blog, I would soon be homeless from lack of income, and on my way to a divorce. Instead, I chose to humble myself, realize that I was making some extremely stupid decisions, and work on my life outside of the internet for a while. Because of the shift in priorities, I was actually able to make more time for blogging, without guilt and without fear of losing my wife, home, and this creative outlet.
Another analogy, going back to the symbolism on the Rider-Waite deck, is that of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Can immortal people ever give birth? (Figuratively, I mean… 
) Adam and Eve had to partake of the forbidden fruit, sin, and be banished in order for us to exist today. Their choice was a personal sacrifice so that we could each come to live today. It was made out of love, and for their decision, they are immortalized in story, so not only did they gain the ability to experience both good and evil, but they also retained their eternal life, in a round-about sort of way.
For the LDS out there, or the former LDS as I am, I’d like to share my favorite passage from the Book of Mormon:
2 Nephi, 2:25 Adam fell that men might be, and men are that they might have joy.
At this third layer, instead of the card simply asking which you love more, it is asking you to figure out which decision is the one made out of love. It isn’t two paths diverging, never to meet again… it is a shortcut with extra benefits, if only we would have the courage to go down that less traveled path.
Here is some extra reading. The first is a very famous poem by Robert Frost, The Road Less Traveled. Each path is equally inviting, and only hindsight can reveal which is the ‘right’ path… but so long as we choose, we are always on our path… and that makes all the difference.
The second is an article by Slade, titled The Art of Surrender. In it, Slade talks about how sometimes we just need to let go and stop struggling in order to progress… This is often a hidden path that just isn’t obvious, but it matches the third layer of The Lovers perfectly.
The third bit of extra reading is the comments in my post, Manifest Destiny. In it, Kara-Leah asks how detachment in Intention Manifestation works in the analogy I had described in my post… Her second reply got me thinking a bit more about letting go and letting work get done in the background. Just how much energy are we wasting by controlling so many aspects of our lives, when we can just let go after we have set events in motion?
There are a lot of ways to apply the card in our lives, from recognizing the relationships in our lives to facing the choices before us with courage and love. Most of all, this card reminds us about love, and shows us that we always have a choice, no matter where we are on our path through life.
Adam,
Man, you’ve just eloquently identified an issue I have faced so many times in the past — that there wasn’t room in my life for my writing and a relationship.
For years, I struggled with that fork in the road, often choosing a relationship at the expense of more important projects. Seems like the best course, right? People over projects?
But I would find that I resented the relationship for what I chose to give up for it, and ultimately it undermined it, and I’d come out the other side with neither books written or a healthy partnership to show for having made the sacrifice.
I came to believe there was a painful either/or choice, that I could not have both. This was fear and pessimism.
Now, I made the opposite choice from you because I wasn’t married, but what’s interesting is that I arrived at the ability to do BOTH, well, just as you have — by a different route.
How interesting… For me, by making my work a priority, I actually manifested a life that makes me a better lover — by working on the Life part, and the meaningful part first.
I had something TO give, something to share, of my own — not making the relationship the “project.” The result was that I CAN have both — that they actually do feed one another. By surrendering to the right priorities, the by-product of that choice was that EVERYTHING else falls into place.
Something else this reveals to me about love — we always have room for more love, we don’t run out of it, and by prioritizing correctly, the destination is not loss of one thing to another, but an easier way to have it ALL.
By the way — how flattered am I to be sitting next to Robert Frost in your recommended reading? WOW! That just made my day!
I think that you just identified the key to this card, that helps to describe its third layer far easier than I explained it…
If your path contains resentment towards losing the other path, then it is not the right path, and you will lose both of your goals.
If, however, you can overcome your resentment and tread a path with love and passion, then it is a good path, and you may just achieve both of your goals. You won’t always achieve both, and sometimes you may still lose them, but you’ll find that the gaining or losing doesn’t matter nearly as much as the experience.
Also, you have one quality that puts you ahead of Robert Frost… I can talk to you.
The reason why you’re next to Frost, who I agree is very good company to be with, is because you are both saying the same thing, just in different ways… and you’re not required reading at high school, which makes you way cooler.
Your explanation of the paths — just in this last comment — is one of the most succinct and useful I’ve come across.
You continue to impress me with the intelligent — logical — focus you bring to metaphysically murky concepts.
Only yesterday I was conducting a reading for someone regarding making a difficult choice between two potential paths — her guides and mine could certainly benefit from your insight…
Robert still speaks to us, as best he can — and who knows, he may be whispering in your ear, man, and envying your blog.
As for being way cooler than required high school reading — Wow! That’s one of the best compliments you could give someone like me…
May some poor disaffected youth of the future one day suffer through our Cliffs’ Notes!